Stop. Pause. Reflect.
Three simple words, but they have meant so much in recent weeks and months. For someone who doesn’t always even stop, it’s been one heck of a challenge to overcome, but extremely worthwhile. So, what does it actually mean and what is it?
Time is a gift and we should use it wisely. To help heal, to understand, to appreciate, to forgive, to forget, or to learn from something.
To encompass time, I approach life situations like this:
Stop.
For those that are like me, life was chaotic, intense and I feel that there was just as many highs as there was lows. And, with that would come the emotional rollercoaster that would see smiles, frowns, exhaustion, stress, laughs, happiness, and that’s just one day.
I’ve attempted a number of things before to help me cope with this, but I’ve never got very far with anything. I’ve tried self help podcasts, apps and courses, from mindfulness to meditation, running and therapy. If I am honest, there was nothing wrong with these methods, they were just not ‘mine’. So, what is ‘mine’ and have I actually discovered it? Yes, I think I have, and it starts with stopping.
STOP! A simple word, but it’s easily applied to a number of situations and it always starts with this. To make it clear, this actually means what it states. Just stop! If it’s all getting to much, stop. If you don’t know which way to turn, stop. Again, just stop.
To stop, at first is hard. I used to feel that stopping was an impossible thing. If I stopped, this wouldn’t get done and that wouldn’t happen and it would only mean things were to get worse. Bollocks. That’s simply not true. The world will always move at your pace and it will be there for you to pick it back up on your terms.
How does one actually stop? A good question and I guess it all depends on the situation you’re in, but it usually will consist of the same thing. A clear break in your mind from eBay is going on. This may be going for a coffee, to the toilet, a brief walk, to meet a friend, or a simple natural change on what you’re doing, and it doesn’t always mean that you move on to something new like I’ve suggested, but I normally do what simply feels best, for me.
Pause.
Now, this is where is gets more interesting. I simply thought it was just a stop and reflect thing at first, but I feel that the ‘PAUSE’ is a highly important factor and to get the most of it, it’s worthy to note how this differs from the ‘STOP’.
So, to pause is just that. Pause what you are doing. You’ve stopped in tracks, now you need to pause that thing. By doing the stop, you’ve broken your mindset, not it’s time to pause that thing, which will allow you to pivot your mind to the next stage.
To pause, means that you will be getting back to the thing that you’re doing. That is, if you actually need to get back to it, after the next step.
So, you stopped, and now paused. Make sure that, in your mind, this is actually the case. Clear your mind, which I always use the ‘fuck it’ approach. It can wait. Some things are simply more important.
Reflect.
Now, this is the best part. It’s something I’ve become to really use as a tool to pitch that ‘shit’ in to perspective. It’s helped me on so many occasions recently, I seem to just do this unconsciously a lot, but you know when you’ve done it.
To ‘reflect’, again is just that. Reflecting is to think about things deeply and with consideration. It’s not just a brief passing of thought, you really need to look at it, question it, validate it, but most importantly you need to feel it.
Again, it depends where you are, but once you’ve nailed the process and trust it, you’ll be able to apply this in any situation or location you find yourself. Now, I’m sure that meditation fans amongst us will always challenge that it’s best to find a quiet place, but that’s the thing, it’s not going to always be the case. I can seem to reflect when I’m on my own, talking to others, out walking, on a train or even in a meeting or at my desk.
How do I reflect? That’s a good question and I won’t even attempt to offer solutions for this, as it’s a personal thing. The three words, put together, should give you a structure to apply and you make it your own.
For me, I’ve applied a blend of all my experience to throw in to these points. I’ve found that reflecting may also just allowing myself to be in a moment, which had been a big thing with my family and work.
Putting my phone down, pivoting my mind to my children, getting on the floor with them, it all helps. Those experiences can be the most wonderful reflection material. Replace kids with friends, a nice walk, a nice meal, a chat, and so forth,
